Teachers Need to Sacrifice Like Wall Street Bankers

This Jon Steward segment is priceless:

The Daily Show
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I'm Not a Witch, I'm You

Elvira is much more believable than Christine O'Donnell:

It's Great to be One of the Chosen Ones

Amusing quote from my reading today:

As a general proposition, of course, it remains true that the majority of humankind is destined for damnation, and that the minority of the saved are very lucky; but in practice, we are confident that we belong in this minority; and that the universe is unfolding as it should. (From A Secular Age by Charles Taylor)

Taylor is talking about the unfolding Protestant reformation, especially the Calvinist variety, as it grew increasingly confident in its own ability to do the inner personal work of salvation and order society for the common good. So the next sentence after this quote is: "The declarations that we are helpless sinners become more and more pro forma."

But I am proof-texting here because the quote made me laugh. And... because lot's of Christians still believe it to be true that the vast majority of the world is going to hell but they are not.

Jesus and the Constitution

I missed this the other day when Andrew Sullivan first posted the link, but this interactive "print" of Jesus holding the constitution surrounded by famous God-fearing American leaders is entertaining. Mouse around and you will find Reagan and Kennedy but no Carter and Clinton, among modern presidents. Down in the right hand corner under the influence of Satan, who is present in the picture, you will find a politician, a lawyer, a professor tightly grasping a copy of Darwin's Origin of Species, and a Supreme Court justice covering his face in shame as he realizes the damage he has done to the country. Thankfully the minister is on the opposite - and blessed - side holding his Bible.

More Bad Christian Music

I hope you this makes you laugh as much as it did me.


Via Andrew Sullivan

Robin Williams on Obama

A bit dated but I just saw it.

Fundamentalist Humor

Mark Pinski, author of The Gospel According to The Simpsons, takes aim at the notion that fundamentalists, Christian, Muslim, or Jewish, don't have a sense of humor. He notes these examples of in-house humor:

Brad Stine is an angry, braying stand-up comic whose best-known venues are Promise Keepers rallies that have drawn thousands of evangelical Christian men to coliseums. He once admonished conservative churches that were burning Harry Potter books: "Here's a good rule of thumb: If Hitler tried it — maybe go the other way." His first book was titled Being a Christian Without Being an Idiot: 10 Assumed Truths That Make Us Look Stupid.

Shazia Mirza, a British stand-up and practicing Muslim, has taken the greatest risks.

"Last year, I went to Mecca to repent my sins, and I had to walk around the black stone," she told one audience. "All the women were dressed in black; you could only see their eyes. And I felt a hand touch my bottom. I ignored it. I thought, 'I'm in Mecca, it must be the hand of God.' But then it happened again. I didn't complain. Clearly, my prayers had been answered."

Via GetReligion (They are currently in server limbo so no direct link to this blog post is available.)

An Ordinary Christian Speaks

To the Onion:

I'm here to tell you there are lots of Christians who aren't anything like the preconceived notions you may have. We're not all into "turning the other cheek." We don't spend our days committing random acts of kindness for no credit. And although we believe that the moral precepts in the Book of Leviticus are the infallible word of God, it doesn't mean we're all obsessed with extremist notions like "righteousness" and "justice."

My faith in the Lord is about the pure, simple values: raising children right, saying grace at the table, strictly forbidding those who are Methodists or Presbyterians from receiving communion because their beliefs are heresies, and curing homosexuals. That's all. Just the core beliefs. You won't see me going on some frothy-mouthed tirade about being a comfort to the downtrodden.

I'm a normal Midwestern housewife. I believe in the basic teachings of the Bible and the church. Divorce is forbidden. A woman is to be an obedient subordinate to the male head of the household. If a man lieth down with another man, they shall be taken out and killed. Things everybody can agree on, like the miracle of glossolalia that occurred during Pentecost, when the Apostles were visited by the Holy Spirit, who took the form of cloven tongues of fire hovering just above their heads. You know, basic common sense stuff.

But that doesn't mean I think people should, like, forgive the sins of those who trespass against them or anything weird like that.

We're not all "Jesus Freaks" who run around screaming about how everyone should "Judge not lest ye be judged," whine "Blessed are the meek" all the time, or drone on and on about how we're all equal in the eyes of God! Some of us are just trying to be good, honest folks who believe the unbaptized will roam the Earth for ages without the comfort of God's love when Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior returns on Judgment Day to whisk the righteous off to heaven.

Now, granted, there are some Christians on the lunatic fringe who take their beliefs a little too far. Take my coworker Karen, for example. She's way off the deep end when it comes to religion: going down to the homeless shelter to volunteer once a month, donating money to the poor, visiting elderly shut-ins with the Meals on Wheels program—you name it!

But believe me, we're not all that way. The people in my church, for the most part, are perfectly ordinary Americans like you and me. They believe in the simple old-fashioned traditions—Christmas, Easter, the slow and deliberate takeover of more and more county school boards to get the political power necessary to ban evolution from textbooks statewide. That sort of thing.

We oppose gay marriage as an abomination against the laws of God and America, we're against gun control, and we fervently and unwaveringly believe that the Jews, Muslims, and all on earth who are not born-again Pentecostalists are possessed by Satan and should be treated as such.

When it comes down to it, all we want is to see every single member of the human race convert to our religion or else be condemned by a jealous and wrathful God to suffer an eternity of agony and torture in the Lake of Fire!

Obama's Confusing Speaking Habits

Via ScienceBlogs:

Stunning Break with Last Eight Years

In the first two weeks since the election, President-elect Barack Obama has broken with a tradition established over the past eight years through his controversial use of complete sentences, political observers say.

Millions of Americans who watched Mr. Obama's appearance on CBS' "Sixty Minutes" on Sunday witnessed the president-elect's unorthodox verbal tick, which had Mr. Obama employing grammatically correct sentences virtually every time he opened his mouth. But Mr. Obama's decision to use complete sentences in his public pronouncements carries with it certain risks, since after the last eight years many Americans may find his odd speaking style jarring. According to presidential historian Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota, some Americans might find it "alienating" to have a President who speaks English as if it were his first language.

"Every time Obama opens his mouth, his subjects and verbs are in agreement," says Mr. Logsdon. "If he keeps it up, he is running the risk of sounding like an elitist." The historian said that if Mr. Obama insists on using complete sentences in his speeches, the public may find itself saying, "Okay, subject, predicate, subject predicate - we get it, stop showing off." The President-elect's stubborn insistence on using complete sentences has already attracted a rebuke from one of his harshest critics, Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska.

"Talking with complete sentences there and also too talking in a way that ordinary Americans like Joe the Plumber and Tito the Builder can't really do there, I think needing to do that isn't tapping into what Americans are needing also," she said.

Hooked on Phonics

Making the rounds:

My five-year old students are learning to read. Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, 'Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!'

I took a deep breath, then asked...'What did you call it?'

'It's a frickin' elephant!
And so it does...








' A f r i c a n Elephant '

Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?

The Battle of the Church Signs

You have to click on it to enlarge it.