Soldiers and their Faith

The Star Tribune invites six Minnesota soldiers in Iraq to talk about how the war has affected their faith. Staff Sgt. Thomas Murray is a senior chaplain's assistant:

When we found out in January that we were being extended in Iraq by four months, making a total mobilization of 22 months away from our families, I was angry. Very, very angry. There was no one around me to focus that anger on, so I became angry at the distant powers that left me helpless while they made their decisions to keep me here -- the government, the Army and yes, God. For a while, it was hard to distinguish between God and any other authority that manipulated my life, either without knowing or without caring about the pain their manipulation caused.

I found myself reading Psalms of lament, such as Psalm 22 ("My God, my god, why have you forsaken me?") and being reminded that pain and anger are not the opposite of faith and love -- indifference is. So my anger ran its course, and I found that I still loved God underneath it. I probably would have lost the connection if I hadn't been schooled in what Lutherans call a "theology of the cross," which points to the suffering and death of Jesus to remind me that the presence of suffering is not a sign of the distance of God.

I kept my faith inspired by reading about the heroes of the Bible, from Moses to David to Paul. All of them remind me that God is big enough to accept the anger and yet, unlike other authorities above me, near enough that I can believe it when he says that he loves me and is still with me.

I think I'm more cynical than I was before coming to Iraq. Ironically, I'm also more appreciative of smaller blessings I might not have noticed before. I've probably become more black and white in my view of the world, which may be a challenge when I return. I will spend more time on my friendships when I return. Back home, friends are nice to have; over here, they are often the difference between life and death, both spiritually and physically.

What will I do when I first get home? I plan to spend all day chasing my kids, then put them to bed and spend all night chasing my wife!