Solstice Vows

As Shakespeare wrote, "The course of true love, never runs smooth." And so it has gone for the past 26 years for the couple united in holy marriage in a small hometown Presbyterian church on June 21, 1980--liberalchurchgirl and churchjanitorboy.

Despite the ups and downs of life and love, we still manage to celebrate in some way the memory of that long hot summer day each year. We sometimes ask ourselves why on earth we picked the longest day and shortest night of the entire year to get married. But the timing was good. For us and for many other couples like us--we were fresh off one educational experience and ready for another--the one that never ends...

"I, Susan, take you, Scott, to be my husband to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live."

I did a somewhat protracted study of ecumenical wedding vows to try to come up with something that was traditional, but that I could say without choking on it or have spoken to me with out saying "I object" due to the historical sexism/paternalism. I'd already expressed my desire to keep my birth name instead of acquiring my future husband's surname which was met by him with no resistance and full support. We memorized our vows, and then--for added pressure--printed them in the wedding service bulletin so that all our family and friends could read along and know whether we screwed up. We both got them right as I recall, but honestly I was too nervous and too cynical to remember. I also remember asking myself silently at some point during the service as we were standing there in front of those gathered on our behalf "Did we really need all this just to make us legal?"

I still recite my vows to myself from time to time--usually when I need to remind myself of them the most. I suppose it is akin to a Catholic saying "Our Father" in times of trouble, or a substance abuser praying the Serenity Prayer to stay clean and sober. For the ability to have been able to utter these words I am now honored and grateful, particularly when I am now painfully aware that some of my best friends are denied the right to hold a wedding ceremony and utter these words and have them take legal effect. These people awe me. Some of them have been together almost as long as Scott and I yet without the vows spoken in front of the witness of family and friends. But I'm digressing back into my usual social justice theme when I really want to say something nice about being married to my husband for the past 26 years...

26 years ago we spent the night of June 21, 1980 in a little Quality Inn off the PA Turnpike exit 11 in Bedford, PA enroute to a week of being beach bums at Cape Hattaras, NC. Tomorrow night we will be spending the night in a similar motel this time off the IN Turnpike enroute to visit our mothers who still live in Ohio. We will be chaperoned by our two children and we will likely spend the evening in the pool with them or poolside watching them. It will not be the same celebration--but it will be a celebration nonetheless. It will be a celebration enriched by experience and tested by time.

Happy Summer Solstice to you all!