Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Baptists for Brownback

Andrew Sullivan wonders if this site, Baptists for Brownback, is for real. After reading the legal statement I think it must be parody, but it has certainly made me laugh this morning. There is this:
The Sissification of Seattle July 28th, 2007

Appalling news from the West Coast: The latest strain of the disease, uber-liberalism, has crept its way up the California coast and into Seattle, Washington. Men’s skirts, it would seem, is what the fashionable-fairies from San Francisco to Seattle are wearing this season. They are no longer content to swish and prance about in shorty-shorts or repulsively tight slacks anymore, so they have began wearing women’s clothing.

The kilt, long associated with those ghastly Scots, has seen a drastic increase in popularity among the jet-setting homosexual crowd. One manufacturer of this perfectly obscene item, Utilikilts in Seattle, was recently interviewed and subsequently featured prominently on the front page of Yahoo News. (See links below)

Friends, we are living in a world where nothing is sacred and very little is left to the imagination. The very last thing we need in this country is for homosexuals to be permitted, by law mind you, to wear a skirt. It is understood, that while the sodomite would unnaturally embrace the feminine attributes of a man-skirt or kilt, the main purpose is that it grants them easy and quick access for fornicating...

And this:
The Curse of Ham: Why Barack Hussein Oboma Will Never Be President

It is written in Rev 20:8-Satan shall go out to deceive all the nations which are in the four quarters of the Earth, Gog,and Magog to gather them together to battle: The number of whom is countless and of the sand of the sea or shores of the sea. As descendant of Canaan, Liberal Democrat, Barack Obama Hussein is indeed a liar for that there is no disputing. He has and will continue to with his lies to God’s children that abortion, blatant homosexuality, fornication, and socialism is fun and good. This does not however make him the great liar that God tells us is to be the Anti-Christ. It is Barack Hussein Obama’s curse of coloredness that will prevent him from ever being elected leader of a true Christian nation, one that is founded upon Christian principle by the chosen, fair-skinned people of God.

The nations and countries of Africa, Iraq, and Iran, and all people of dark skin carry the curse of Ham and will be subservient to the people who remain favorable to God. That is why there is so much trouble brewing in these lands; they carry the Canaan curse. The angel Radueriel told me this saying with a loud voice (the emphasis on a loud voice). This message needs to be shouted and proclaimed loudly. In doing so, some that have been deaf, that is their ears have been closed, will begin to hear. “Prophet Davis, go and tell your brothers and sisters that a descendant of Ham will never lead the America.”

And this:
People Who are Probably Going To Hell

Regardless of how reluctant we are sometimes, it is our duty as Chrisitians (Baptists) to pray for those we deem already damned to Hell. As easy as it is to dismiss these people as lost forever to eternal damnation, we must remember that in Christ, anything is possible no matter how remote the chance.

Given the enormity of sinners that we come across on a daily basis we simply cannot list them all. We whill, however, try and update this list as frequently as necessary.

WARNING: Before visiting any of the following links you are cautioned to say the following prayer.

IN JESUS NAME, I BIND UP EVERY DEMON COMING ACROSS THE COMPUTER LINES, AND I RETURN THEM AND ANY CURSES.IN JESUS NAME, I COVER MYSELF IN THE BLOOD OF JESUS. I COVER THIS COMPUTER AND THE INTERNET ROAD I TRAVEL IN THE BLOOD OF JESUS. I TAKE AUTHORITY AND DOMINION OVER ALL WEB SITES, WEB MASTERS, WEB DOMAINS, AND DEMONS OF THE INTERNET SUPER HIGHWAY SO THEY DO NOT CROSS MY PATH. I DISPATCH ANGELS AHEAD OF ME TO PROTECT ME.

IN JESUS NAME, I CUT ALL UNGODLY SILVER CORDS AND LAY LINES.

AS YOUR WAR CLUB AND WEAPONS OF WAR I BREAK DOWN, UNDAM, AND BLOW UP ALL WALLS OF PROTECTION AROUND ALL HOMOSEXUALS, WITCHES, WARLOCKS, WIZARDS, SATANISTS, ATHEISTS, LIBERALS, DEMOCRATS, SORCERERS, AND THE LIKE, AND I BREAK THE POWER OF ALL CURSES, HEXES, VEXES, SPELLS, CHARMS, FETISHES, PSYCHIC PRAYERS, PSYCHIC THOUGHTS, ALL WITCHCRAFT, SORCERY, SATIRE, PARODY, MAGIC, VOODOO, ALL MIND CONTROL, JINXES, POTIONS, BEWITCHMENTS, DEATH, DESTRUCTION, SICKNESS, PAIN, TORMENT, PSYCHIC POWER, PSYCHIC WARFARE, PRAYER CHAINS, INCENSE AND CANDLE BURNING, INCANTATIONS, CHANTING, UNGODLY BLESSINGS AND HOODOO, CRYSTALS, AND EVERYTHING ELSE BEING SENT MY WAY, OR MY FAMILY MEMBER’S WAY, OR ANY CHRISTIAN MINISTRIES WAY, AND I RETURN IT, AND THE DEMONS TO THE SENDER, TEN FOLD.

Funny.

1 comment:

ProgressiveChurchlady said...

Thanks for sharing! This is hilarious!

I have forwarded this to several of my good-natured Baptist friends, Scottish friends, and the Lutheran mother of an SES graduate who sewed 5 kilts for her son and his friends to wear to the SES Prom this year!